So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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