Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
