If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
