I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
