He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
