my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
