i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
