Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
