Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
