You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
