dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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