Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't just leave with hair like that
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
