He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this beer tastes like vomit already
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
