there's paper in my vomit.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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