My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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