i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
