Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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