He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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