he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
