My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize