He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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