youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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