note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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