I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
