i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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