Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
