we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
