you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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