My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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