why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Randomize
