I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
