Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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