Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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