Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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