you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
