I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I could fuck to npr.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
