Where is the hickey?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
