I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
