finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
