Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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