I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
