i permit you to call me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize