This is not my ceiling
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
