My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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