How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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