Having a random hookup so left but love u
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
