i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
