Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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