my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
