my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
