why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
