I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
