Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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