Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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