broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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