I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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