Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
