Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
