girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize