Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
