There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
false alarm, still single
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
