Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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