I never want to see another naked old woman again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
