ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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