Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
