We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
