I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think i have two assholes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
