Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
