Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
