Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
