i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
