Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
