So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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